I thought that being who I was “supposed to be” would make me happy. All those years of trying to conform to what I thought others wanted me to be, but I was miserable. When I decided to lay down the people pleasing, I wasn’t even sure who “I” even was. I had never really considered it. While I was finally out of the primary bondage of people pleasing, I was left without a clear answer as to who I was.
Though I decided to be free of who others said I should be, I was still unknowingly buying into the lies of the enemy. It was a secondary bondage. I was so hungry to understand who I was, but I wasn’t careful about the source of information I turned to in my attempts at figuring it out. I believed what he (Satan) told me about who I was. He planted seeds in my mind… Broken. Unworthy. Unable to change. Less than. Ordinary. Not enough. On and on the list of lies went and I received them as if they were truth. There in my mind for so long, like seeds, they took root. What takes root in the garden of our minds crowds out growth of other things. In my case, it crowded out truth. It’s vicious cycle. Until you are made aware that what you believe is actually a lie. Even then you have to do the work of pulling up the lies at the root and planting the seeds of truth in order to prevent the lies from having ground to return to. Because believe me, they will try.
Seeking to find my identity in Christ and the truth of who He says I am in Him was the way out of that secondary bondage. It became the catalyst for my desires and decisions. I covered ground I never imagined I could. I saw fruit I never thought I would. Little by little I uncovered who “I” really was. She was capable of change and growth. One day o realized I actually liked her. Then, eventually I found that I loved her. “I love the person I’ve become because I’ve fought to become her.” —Kaci Diane
The best part of having walked though the battle? Now I get to help other women do the same. If you are interested in learning more, head here.